Breaking Night

I just finished Liz Murray's book Breaking Night, which is my book club's book for February.

Here is a synopsis I got off Amazon:

From runaway to Harvard student, Murray tells an engaging, powerfully motivational story about turning her life around after growing up the neglected child of drug addicts. When Murray was born in 1980, her former beatnik father was in jail for illegally trafficking in prescription painkillers, and her mother, a cokehead since age 13, had just barely missed losing custody of their year-old daughter, Lisa. Murray and her sister grew up in a Bronx apartment that gradually went to seed, living off government programs and whatever was left after the parents indulged their drug binges; Murray writes that drugs were the "wrecking ball" that destroyed her family-- prompting her mother's frequent institutionalization for drug-induced mental illness and leading to her parents inviting in sexual molesters. By age 15, with the help of her best friend Sam and an elusive hustler, Carlos, she took permanently to the streets, relying on friends, sadly, for shelter. With the death of her mother, her runaway world came to an end, and she began her step-by-step plan to attend an alternative high school, which eventually led to a New York Times scholarship and acceptance to Harvard. In this incredible story of true grit, Murray went from feeling like "the world was filled with people who were repulsed by me" to learning to receive the bountiful generosity of strangers who truly cared.

My thoughts:

• Liz was a wonderful narrator that was really adept at staying in the moment and telling her story without moralizing or interpreting meaning. She had the rare ability to tell about her horrible childhood without making it feel like she was throwing herself a pity party.
• It did what a good book should do in that it transported you into another way of life/world. It is DEFINITELY a book I wouldn't let my kids read. (In parts, it was even too graphic for me.) Liz is a great example of how kids and even teenagers shouldn't have to think about or deal with adult problems.
• The teachers at Liz's alternative high school were inspiring. They showed what a difference a teacher can make who tries to really see and hear each student. They showed that a good teacher shouldn't pity their students, but instead have high expectations and hold them accountable to their word. I loved the teacher who called each student that was absent or late.
• Something I would change: I really wanted to hear more about her time at Harvard. Did she struggle to keep up with the other students? I think a good work ethic can only get you so far. Could she really excel when she didn't even know where Europe was two years before she entered college?
• I loved that I felt like I was a good mom after reading this book, or at least a long ways off from being the worst mom ever. I also was reminded of the fact that just like food and shelter it is one of a child's basic needs to feel loved and important. .
• Other random tidbits that stuck with me: the description of the bathtub in her parents' apartment, mayonnaise sandwiches, the fact that she kept her mother's NA coin and a picture of her when she was younger (a tangible symbol that she chose to focus on and preserve the good parts of her mother), and birthday cards picked out from the sympathy card section

Favorite Quotes:

• She shot up to feel better, to escape, but somehow the drugs always returned her to the trouble, as though it might be happening to her all over again, right there in our living room.
• Homelessness was becoming more difficult, and I think we all could feel it, how the strain of not having your most basic needs met can drive you a little crazy. Hunger wears on your nerves; nervousness wears on your energy; malnutrition and stress just plain wear on you.
• For the first time, I was making my daily life fit into a bigger purpose: climbing out of the place I'd been born into. That was my edge.
• One thing that helped was a picture I kept in mind, this image that I used over and over whenever I was faced with these daily choices. I pictured a runner running on a racetrack. The racetrack was a reddish orange, divided in white racing stripes to flag the runners' columns. Only the runner in my mental image did not run alongside others; she ran solo, with no one watching her. And she did not run a free and clear track, she ran one that required her to jump numerous hurdles, which made her break into a heavy sweat under the sun. I used this image every time I thought of things that frustrated me: the heavy books, my crazy sleep schedule, the question of where I would sleep and what I would eat. To overcome these issues I pictured my runner bolting down the track, jumping hurdles toward the finish line. Hunger, hurdle. Finding sleep, hurdle, schoolwork, hurdle. If I closed my eyes I could see the runner's back, the movement of her sinewy muscles, glistening with sweat, bounding over the hurdles, one by one. On mornings when I did not want to get out of bed, I saw another hurdle to leap over. This way, obstacles became a natural part of the course, an indication that I was right where I needed to be, running the track, which was entirely different from letting obstacles make me believe I was off it."
• "I'm Teressa. Terry...First of all, I want to apologize to you," she said, standing on the sidewalk on Nineteenth Street. I was confused; I had never laid eyes on her before. She continued, "I've had the article about you on my fridge for weeks. Since I didn't have any money to help you out, I thought I couldn't do anything for you at all. And then last night, I was doing my daughter's laundry, and I thought, how silly of me, maybe you had laundry I could do for you. I mean, your parents, someone, should be helping you with these things while you'r busy with school." I stared at her in disbelief. She asked again, "Well, do you? Do you have some laundry?" Once a week, every week, she stopped by the school in her silver minivan and picked up and dropped off my clean, folded clothing, true to her word. She even added a bag of cookies most weeks. "I can't do much, Liz, but I know I can do that," she said. So while I was studying for my eleven classes, Teressa--Terry--did my laundry.
• Years later, I've often reflected on how blessed I was to have no real understanding of how difficult that day was supposed to be. Had I known how difficult it was supposed to be to interview with Harvard or The New York Times; had anyone told me that those were hard, nearly impossible, things to do, then I may have never done them. But I didn't know enough about the world to analyze the likelihood of my success; I had only the commitment to actually show up and do it. In the years ahead of me, I learned that the world is actually filled with people ready to tell you how likely something is, and what it means to be realistic. But what I have also learned is that no one, no one truly knows what is possible until they go and do it.

Overall: Not my favorite book. I don't think I would ever read it again. It didn't turn out to be an inspiring feel good book like I expected. It was wonderful written and interesting, but it was filled with subjects and topics that I really don't want to spend my spare time dwelling on. It also really frustrates me when people waste their lives away. Even though, I can better understand their perceived lack of options after reading this book; I think Liz serves as an example that everyone does have choices. It was a good book club choice though because it encourage me to read a book that I otherwise wouldn't have read.

Your Baby Ate Too Much

Joseph had to teach in priesthood, so my new CTR 5 class got to meet Nicholas. Most of the kids were excited for the "baby" to come and visit. One girl in my class took one look at him and told me, "It looks like your baby ate too much." I had to laugh. Nicholas is proud of his little belly. He likes to lift up his shirt and show it to everyone he meets. It is a real crowd pleaser.

Hide-and-Seek

Nicholas likes playing hide-and-seek; well, he actually hates the hiding part so I guess he just likes playing seek. Last week, we started playing hide-and-seek with the rings. He LOVES this game and he is pretty good at it. (Sorry that I'm talking to my Mom on the phone during this clip. I didn't know Joseph was filming, but it gives you an idea of how excited he gets playing this game.)

Wii Tennis Champ

Nicholas likes to play Wii Tennis. He will also pick up our other remotes and shake them around like he is playing Tennis.

Christmas

Here are a few pictures from Christmas.

Nicholas being a shepherd in the Wells Family Nativity play on Christmas Eve. (Sadly, Nicholas had to go to bed before the Muhlestein's Nativity.)

On Christmas Eve, the Muhlesteins have a big dinner and each year it has a different theme. Since I've joined the family, they have done Indian food, English food, and French food. (I hope I am remembering right.) Joseph had the privilege of picking the theme this year. He picked New England cuisine, so they cooked up live lobsters flown in from Maine, coleslaw, bruschetta, and rosemary potatoes. They also bought clam chowder from Market Street Grill. For dessert, we had eclairs. Before the lobsters met their demise, we tried to have all 14 of them race. A couple of them moved a bit, but it wasn't that exciting of a race. Nicholas got to pet one of the lobsters. (FYI: In the month of December, Nicholas managed to pet a sting ray, a lobster, and a camel.)

As soon as Nicholas woke up on Christmas, we headed up to the Muhlesteins. They have a tradition where all the children sleep downstairs on Christmas Eve, so Santa can put out all the presents upstairs. In the morning, the children all line up on the stairs according to age and race upstairs to open presents. This Christmas was the only Christmas that Nicholas would be able to be first in line.

Grandma and Grandpa Wells took Nicholas to see the lights at Temple Square and to see Hogle Zoo Lights.

We also visited all of Nicholas' great grandparents on this trip.

Nicholas at 15 months

Life got busy in December, so I didn't post about Nicholas at 14 months. Nicholas and I came down with a HORRIBLE little stomach bug just before he turned 14 months and it just put me too far behind.

Weight: 27.6 lbs (with a sleeper and diaper on)

Height: 30 1/2 inches

Tooth Count: 8 seriously crooked teeth

Favorite Games:

• "Go Find Papa": He will go searching around the house until he finds his Papa.
• "Can you touch it?": This is game that is hard on Mom's back. He likes to be lifted up so he can touch various items attached to our ceiling, such as fans, lights, vents, and smoke detectors.
• Visiting the Puppies: He still loves visiting the neighbors dogs. He runs to the sliding glass window when he hears the dogs bark.

Favorite Times of the Day:

• Bath time: He loves his little foam fishes that we got him. I will stick them all over his body and he likes to pull them off. He also loves dumping out cups of water on his large round belly. He does this about 2o times and laughs every time he does this.
• Outdoor time: He loves wandering the yard while I rake leaves. It was weird to come back to warm weather after being in Utah, but I grateful for it. (Since I wrote this on the 8th, it has snowed and turned cold.)

Favorite Foods:

• For the past week, Nicholas has been on a sugar detox after visiting the grandparents' house. Over the break, he loved all the juice and fruit snacks he devoured. Also, grapes are out of season so he hasn't had any since he left Utah. He still loves just about anything sweet, and he is SLOWLY learning to like vegetables.

Current Habits:

• He still loves unloading things.
• He loves lids.
• He LOVES TO BE HELD!!! He wants me to carry him around all day. When I try to set him down, he refuses to stand up on his own and will lean into me. When we leave the house and go to a store or a friend's house, he doesn't want to be carried. For example, on Monday it was so cold we decided to do our walk at the mall. Nicholas loved wandering around and smiling at people. He didn't really want much to do with me; however, if the people got too close to him then he would point at me as if to say, "I'm with her, don't get any ideas."

Favorite Toys:

• He loves the 3D glasses that we got when we saw Tron.
• He loves remotes.
• He loves all the new toys he got for Christmas. We got a sandbox from Grandmother and Grandfather Muhlestein. It is sitting in the middle of our living room and Nicholas loves to climb in it and hide in it. (Joseph likes the sandbox because he has finally found a way to eat in the living room on the carpet that meets my approval. He will pour himself a bowl of cereal and sit in the sandbox while he eats it and watches TV.) He got a pop up tunnel from Grandma and Grandpa Wells. He loves going through it and will now crawl through without any encouragement.
• He loves big books. He loves looking through the Hymn book during church. He also loves all the new books he got from Grandma Wells for Christmas. His favorite is "The Wheels on the Bus."

Sleeping:

• He still sleeps 12 hours a night and goes down at about seven o'clock. He gets really grumpy around 10 am, so I put him down for a morning nap. He refuses to take a afternoon nap though, so he gets pretty cranky during the evening.

Nicholas at 13 months

***Notice the battle wounds on his face. Three-fourths of the scratches on his nose were caused by Nicholas scratching himself. The rest of his scratches are due to some falls. It is all part of the process of learning how to walk.

Weight: 26.4 lbs when he is fully clothed

Height: 30 inches

Tooth Count: 6 (two top and four on the bottom)

Favorite Foods: GRAPES and Milk

Other Foods He Likes: Cottage Cheese, Hot Dogs, Yogurt, Oatmeal

Foods He Hates: Vegetables (He will eat about three green beans. Sometime when I hide them in a soup, he will eat a few vegetables.)

Funny Eating Quirks:

• When he eats a new food, he has a very similar reaction whether he hates it or loves it. First, he will plop the strange looking piece of food into his mouth. (He is usually willing to try any new food.) Then, he gives a look like that was the most disgusting thing he ever ate. He wrinkles his little nose and pulls the new food item out of his mouth and takes a real long look at it. If he liked the food, he will put it back into his mouth. If he didn't like the food, he throws it on the floor. (We are working on making him put it back on his tray, but he is convinced that throwing something on the floor makes it a lot less likely that Mom will try to make him eat it again.) Thanks to this system, Mom has a lot harder time trying to get him to eat foods he has already tried and decided he doesn't like because he is really good at recognizing them at first glance.
• It is immensely easier to get him to eat a certain food if he has one of his hands immersed in it while your are trying to shovel it into his mouth. He also seems to have a more hearty appetite for something if you let him hold the lid of the jar you are feeding him out of. He likes to hold the whole jar, but Mom won't let him. We have an argument most mornings about who should hold the oatmeal cup. (I usually win.)
• He is working on feeding himself with a spoon. He has the general idea, but most of the food falls off of the spoon before it makes it to his mouth. He also likes to shake his spoon.
• He likes it when I hide a bit of food in each of my hands. He then picks a hand and is surprised by what is in there. It is funny when he finds something he doesn't like. He will then pick the other hand to see if there is anything better in there. If there isn't something better in the other hand, he then pushes my hand towards my mouth so I will eat it. I let him feed me the food he doesn't like because I figure that at least shows him that I think that the food tastes good. Plus no food goes to waste when I eat his cast offs.
• He will take snacks from other people, but when he is really hungry he only wants Mom to feed him. I know that when he won't go to Papa and he won't let me put him down, then he is hungry.

Sleeping:

• He goes to bed around seven and wakes up around seven. He takes one or two naps. The day goes a lot better when he takes two naps. The first one he takes about ten in the morning and it lasts about 1 1/2 hours. His afternoon nap is anywhere between 1 and 3, and only last about a half an hour. He is still really easy to get to sleep.

Moving:

• He is getting more stable at walking. He had his first bad spill at Six Flags on the 6th. He started running down a little concrete ramp and fell on his face. His nose bled a little bit and he bit his lip. Poor little guy.
• He has mastered turning when he walks, so he doesn't just go in a straight line.
• He doesn't hold his hands above his head anymore when he walks. He still holds them up a little lower than shoulder height.
• He still won't stand up with out using something.
• He only does a typical crawl now, so no more army man.

Favorite Activities:

• He loves playing in our bed. He loves be thrown down on the pillows or be flipped around and tickled. He also loves doing this on the couch.
• Unloading drawers.
• He loves bath time. He likes splashing and dropping things over the side of the tub. When all the water drains out, he likes to try and avoid Mom so he doesn't have to get out of the tub. He thinks it is so funny, so I play along.
• He loves visiting the dogs and cats in the neighborhood. I'm grateful for neighbors who have pets so we don't have to. He loves watching the squirrels in our backyard that come for our acorns. He also loves it when Mom pretends to be a dog.
• Walks outside and trips to the park.
• When we go shopping, the only way to keep him happy is to have him stand in the shopping cart. He loves it! He is actually really good at holding on and hasn't ever had a tumble. He also hasn't wanted to climb out of the cart yet. He loves riding in the basket also because then he has access to all the fun things Mom puts in the cart. He loves to keep me on my toes and drop items over the side. When he gets sick of that, I make him push the cart around the store. We go pretty slow, but he loves this. It is super cute, because he laughs the whole time. This only works for about five minutes until he decides he wants to go "shopping" and then I have to put him back in the cart or carry him.
• He is FINALLY starting to like books. Before, he would just grab the book from my hands chew on it and throw it on the ground. Now, he will look at a few pictures before he sticks it in his mouth and throws it on the ground. Yeah for progress.
• He LOVES looking at himself in the mirror. He also loves looking at pictures of himself. (Maybe all our compliments have gone to his head.)

Pet Peeves:

• He absolutely HATES having his diaper changed. It isn't bad if I can find an interesting item for him to hold while I change his diaper; however, I'm running out of new things to have him hold. Another problem is that this item he is examining while he is getting his diaper changed has to be really light, because as soon as I'm not looking he will drop it on my foot. I have two bruises on my foot from when he dropped a big belt buckle and an air freshener.
• He hates getting dressed. He really just hates anything that gets in the way of his investigating the world. I have become really good at getting him dressed while he is playing. I have not found a good way of getting socks and shoes on without him noticing, so we do battle when it comes to footwear. The worst time is at night when he is cranky and I'm trying to get him into two sleepers, so he is nice and toasty now that it is cold.
• Mom and Papa being out of his sight. We left him with a babysitter and he cried the WHOLE time. They said Nicholas seemed to have a three foot rule, he wouldn't let the babysitter get closer than three feet or further than three feet away from him. He is getting better at going to other people, but he wants Mom and Papa nearby. It is mostly my fault that he isn't good with babysitters. We have only left him about 10 times during his life and most of those he was asleep for and were under three hours.

Words: He talks up a storm, but the only word he consistently says is, "Yeah." He hasn't picked up any signs, but that is our goal for next month. He is getting really good at following commands. He recognizes the following phrases:

• "Go find Papa."
• "Get your puppy."
• "NO, NO."
• "Up."
• "All done."
• "Pick a hand."

Nicholas is SUPER BUSY and really clingy!!!! I was getting a little frustrated until I changed my perspective. Now, I don't plan on getting anything done while Nicholas is awake except for caring for Nicholas. During his first nap, I run around getting everything cleaned up and I cook dinner. During his second nap, I usually have to clean up all the messes he has made during the day. After he goes to sleep, I clean up dinner and do the rest of my chores. I usually get a few things done while he is up. For example, he likes it when I vacuum and he usually doesn't mind if I exercise as long as I don't mind if he climbs all over me while I'm doing push ups. Nicholas has a way of knowing if playing with him is not my top priority, and when he senses this he becomes super needy and it takes 5X longer to get anything done. So, I'm just working on enjoying him. He really is so CUTE, so HAPPY, and so FUN. I'm never going to have the opportunity again of just having one child to care for, so I've decided to just enjoy it as much as possible.

The End of the Okra

Well, the okra has reached its end, and the only thing as impressive as its 11' height is its complete lack of complimentary root structure. No wonder I had to support it after a rainstorm during the summer.